How to Conduct a Life Experiment

This has been week 2 of Phase II of my Ultrametabolism diet. Basically, Phase II means that I'm now adding back in most of the foods that I eliminated from my diet during Phase I. The idea is if there has been anything among the usual suspects (sugar, gluten, peanuts, dairy, eggs, alcohol or red meat) that has been affecting my health — or for some people, these things might be sabotaging weight-loss efforts — by reintroducing things in separately, I will be able to find out what I might have allergies or intolerances to.

This week I've had a few aha! moments — some specific to the diet and some that are bigger picture — and I I'd share:

1. My diet does not affect my rheumatoid arthritis. Phase I of this diet was four weeks of the cleanest eating I have had in my entire life. And two of those four weeks I spent in so much constant pain that it was sometimes hard to crawl out of bed in the morning. 'Nuff said.

2. Apparently I have some kind of allergy or intolerance to dairy. Before I started this diet, for the last eight years I had been on a nasal spray twice a day (religiously) that kept my sinus congestion to a minimum (but not completely gone) and prevented migraines (some of the time). On a whim, two days after I started the diet, I stopped using the spray. I figured I would need it again, but wanted to see how long I could go without.

It's been almost six weeks now and I haven't touched the nasal spray. My sinuses have stayed clear on their own and not one migraine in that time — I can't remember the last time I've gone this long without one! During this time I had a cold for a week that, in the past, would sure have led to a sinus infection without medication. This time, the cold just faded away.

Yesterday I introduced dairy back into my system for the first time: one of my favorites, a breakfast smoothie. Within an hour I could feel that my sinuses were congested and irritated. As much as it pains me to say it, bye, bye, dairy.

3. When conducting an "experiment," it's really important not to be attached to the results. From what I understand, a scientists asks a question, makes a hypothesis as to what the answer is, and then conducts an experiment to find out if the answer if right or wrong. But although the scientist created the hypothesis, she's really prepared for whatever outcome that might happen.

Really, that was what this diet was about: an experiment to see if I could improve my arthritis symptoms through healthy eating. When my joints started to swell and become painful, I realized that I was out of the over-the-counter medication that I take for it. What I should have done was called the experiment a failure, headed to Walgreens by day two or three and taken care of the immediate need. But I was so convinced I was creating such a healthy environment of my body that there was no way that the pain could persist. Oh, but it could. For two weeks.

Lesson learned. I have since been to Walgreens and things are right with the world again.

4. Finally, I learned that being flexible can sometimes create wonderful and unexpected benefits. Namely the dairy thing. When I decided to do the detox, how it might affect my allergies had never even crossed my mind. I had figured that I'd be buying that little bottle of nasal spray every month for the rest of my life, and I had resigned myself to it. Now, there's the possibility that, with a few changes in diet, not only can I stop buying the spray, but I might also be able to reduce my on-hand stock of Kleenex as well. As much as there are some foods that I will miss dearly (and sneak occasionally), this is huge.

So, the next time you conduct your own experiment — whether it's a new diet, a new style of writing or a new workout — remember that a scientist needs to be objective and flexible to get the most illuminating results possible.

Me, I'm off to find out whether almond milk, coconut milk or hemp milk is the best replacement in my smoothies.

On Becoming a Mentor

So, tomorrow I go to meet the teenage girl that I will most likely start mentoring. I'm very excited but also somewhat terrified. As I sit here, I think of the hell I experienced disguised as high school; I think almost 30 years later I'm still intimidated by the whole institution and those who spend their days in it.

But more than any fear that I feel is the desire to help somebody get through what I consider the worst part of growing up. As you can tell, I'm still pretty bitter about the experience, and I had good friends and a loving, supportive mother to help me through. From what I understand, many kids in the program that I'll be mentoring for don't have the advantages that even I had. It will probably take me a while to find out my mentee's full story, and out of respect (and legal safety) I doubt that I will be writing much about her specifically, but I feel that, with all of the things that I've been lucky to have in most of my life, it's my responsibility to make a difference in somebody else's life if I can.

It's funny, because up until a few years ago, I don't think I would have considered this type of volunteer opportunity. I've always said that I'm not a kid person, and in some ways that's still true. I have never wanted to have children of my own and I've never regretted that decision. Then three years ago, I looked into becoming a foster parent. I went through the initial interviews, but the more the agency described common behaviors of obviously troubled children, I realized that I most certainly do not have the temperament to deal with many of the situations I could find myself in. Seriously, the first time a kid starts throwing feces on the wall (one of their "real-life" examples), he's GOT TO GO.

[To give credit where it is due, before I made it to the interview stage, my best friend advised me against the whole idea and tried to tell me how hard it could be. At the time, I thought she was insulting my parenting capability, and we got into a huge fight. Granted, we were drinking, but it was bad enough that I thought it might be the end of our friendship. We never talked about it again, but after the interviews I really heard what she had been saying. So, to finally fess up -- Shelby: You. Were. Right.]

Months after I had put the fostering idea to rest, I realized that a lot of my motivation at the time had to do with the recent (a few months before) death of my mother. I think I was hoping to recreate that sense of family that my mother had given me when she was alive. So, I'm glad that I stopped when I did, because offering up your heart and home to somebody should be about them, not about what it's going to fill in your own life.

Now I'm ready. I've just finished (and triumphed over, I might say) a challenging 2 1/2 years in school. I'm starting to establish myself in my new career. I am feeling more positive, productive and motivated than I have at any other point in my life. And I want to do this primarily to make a difference in somebody else's life. If it makes a difference in my own as well -- well, that's just gravy. Yea, I'm ready.

So, if anybody has any cool ideas about things to do with a teenage girl (besides shopping), I'd love to hear your ideas.

Being Debt-Free Is About More Than Just Paying Bills

So, last night I made the announcement during a Twitter chat party that I KNOW that I will be debt-free by the end of the year. Now that I've put  the challenge to myself out into the Twit-o-sphere, it seems like I've got to get my ass in gear to make sure that it happens. As it is, I only have 10 1/2 months at this point to Get It Done, so there's no time to lose.

I could admit that I'm not sure that I will really be debt-free by the end of the year, but I won't. Part of the reason that I made the proclamation is the more I believe it, the more it's likely to happen. And if I've told other people about it, I'm also more likely to do whatever it takes to avoid admitting failure.

And it's not an entirely unachievable goal. It's definitely a stretch — I owe Wells Fargo a chunk of money — but I think it's more a matter of reconsidering my priorities (you know, the ones that got me here in the first place) and making adjustments based on what's really important to me.

I recently read something (I wish I could remember where) that's already come back into my head several times. The basic idea was about how being thrifty and saving money is, in a sense, relative. If you have $20 dollars, for example, what you do with it when you have another $100 or $500 in the bank is very different than what you would do if it were the last $20 that you have for the next 10 days until you get paid again.

Yesterday I decided that I was going to start using TeuxDeux again to keep track of my to-do lists. It's a really simple interface, you can break things down by the day you want them and there's just no extra distracting crap that you just don't need. And it's free. But then I started thinking, how cool would it be if I could transport those to-do lists with me on my iPhone — how cool would that be? So, I check the App store and discover that TeuxDeux has an iPhone app for only $2.99 — an absolute bargain.

Then, this idea of relativity came back into my head. Yes, $2.99 is nothing compared to many of the other things that I'll spend my money on this month. And yes, I do happen to have $2.99 (plus tax probably?) to spare. But then I thought, what if this were the only had $20 I had until I get paid next (which is in 11 days) -- would I still spend $2.99 for an app that I don't really need?

I think you can guess the answer to this. And I've also used this same question to decide if I'm going to buy a kettlebell to have the convenience of working out at home, even though my gym (with my free membership) is one floor down from work. Again, a no-brainer.

Essentially, I've become used to spending — wasting, really — money in favor of convenience. While I believe that there are things that are truly worth splurging on, I know that enabling my laziness and impatience is not on that list. It's important to remember that this is more than about spending less or saving more (those it is also about these things); this is about readjusting my perception of the world I live in, where I fit within it and what's really important. It's about changing my priorities for the rest of my life, not just today.

And while that makes it harder in some ways, it also makes it more exciting because I know that the changes that I make today are going to affect and benefit so many parts of my life tomorrow and other days to come. Now, really, how cool is that?

How to Push Past Your Fear

It's incredible how much fear can stop us from doing the things that we really want to do, and how often you can tell yourself that you're not going to be afraid anymore or that you're going to "feel the fear and do it anyway," and you can still find yourself (emotionally) crouched in a corner trembling. What is that all about, anyway?

During my misspent youth, I found that when I was out at a party or a bar, it was easier to talk to people when I was a little (or sometimes, a lot) drunk. Then one night I was out and I wasn't drunk, and I decided to, in a way, start acting like I was. Not the stumbling, slurring, crazy-talk drunk that some people can be (not me — ever!), but the drunk Jocelyn that found it easy to talk to anyone. And you know what? It worked. I had a blast that night, and no hangover the next morning. And it started many years of being a relatively outgoing person. Lately I've become somewhat antisocial again, but this time it's due to choice, not fear. Either way, it's really not the point.

When I decided to tell my current employer that I had set my sights on getting a job with them (yes, I'm bringing this up yet again), I chose to go up to two top editors and say, in so many words, "I want to work for you." Period. People probably do this kind of thing all the time, but not me. I go through all the proper channels;  I don't stalk the editor in chief at a wellness conference. But this time I did it, and it worked.

I know I could come up with many other one-shot examples like this, but I think I'm making my point. When I look back at things that I've done like this, I see a definite theme: I had a huge desire and, more importantly, I had the realization that I had nothing to lose. I'm not saying that I didn't care if I met new people or if I got the job that I wanted; actually, it was the opposite. I really wanted those things. And I realized that if I tried and failed, I was right where I already was. So, really, what did I have to lose? Nothing.

Having had this epiphany and having my own experiences as proof of its validity would make you think that I will try anything fearlessly at this point in my life. Again, quite the opposite. I find myself dealing with fear almost daily — I'm just one of those high-strung personalities. But when I get really stuck (like I have been with my writing the last few weeks), sometimes if I can just remind myself that I have nothing to lose by trying, I'm able to give myself that kick in the ass that I need.

I'm sure you've probably heard this a million times before, but, what would you do if you had nothing to lose?

No Whining Allowed!

Can I be honest? Today was a suck-ass day. The details don't really matter — let's just say that by 10:30 a.m. I wanted to come home and crawl back in bed until tomorrow.

And it was one of those days where things just piled upon each other, one by one by one. I even know that at a certain point it was more about interpreting things in a negative light than horrible events raining down on me, but by that time the source of the negativity didn't matter anymore. It was all just shitty.

I was going to work out after work — I hear that makes some people feel better. But thinking about it just made me feel worse. I had suffered enough at work and needed to be as far away from the building as possible (the gym's downstairs). (I do need to clarify: This was not a day about me hating my work. This was a day about me hating myself and how I do my work.)

So I came home and gave myself an hour to pout, and now it's down to business. If I'm not doing what I should be, then it's time to do some homework, get some practice and get it done. What's feeling sorry for myself going to do, except make me feel worse?

Sometimes easier said than done, but I'm really trying — I swear! In the meantime, as I'm going through my RSS, I come across the post, "You Cannot Die," by Julien Smith of In Over Your Head.

Smith starts out discussing how, because of all of our precautions (or is it despite them?), it's actually very hard to be die or seriously be injured through normal life activities. Then he takes it further:

In this world, you cannot die in any environment.
You cannot die socially because the social fabric smoothes over most mistakes with time.
You cannot die on the web because failure is cheap and the worst that happens is obscurity.
We are in a world where the chance of permanent, uncorrectable failure has dropped to zero.

Smith continues on to make a point that —obviously — has nothing to do with the day I've just had, but this is exactly what I needed. Considering all of my screw-ups of the day (many real, some imagined), the above is really good news and will help me sleep tonight. I don't know if those I work most closely with would agree, but one can always pretend, right?

So, how did your day go?