On Becoming a Mentor

So, tomorrow I go to meet the teenage girl that I will most likely start mentoring. I'm very excited but also somewhat terrified. As I sit here, I think of the hell I experienced disguised as high school; I think almost 30 years later I'm still intimidated by the whole institution and those who spend their days in it.

But more than any fear that I feel is the desire to help somebody get through what I consider the worst part of growing up. As you can tell, I'm still pretty bitter about the experience, and I had good friends and a loving, supportive mother to help me through. From what I understand, many kids in the program that I'll be mentoring for don't have the advantages that even I had. It will probably take me a while to find out my mentee's full story, and out of respect (and legal safety) I doubt that I will be writing much about her specifically, but I feel that, with all of the things that I've been lucky to have in most of my life, it's my responsibility to make a difference in somebody else's life if I can.

It's funny, because up until a few years ago, I don't think I would have considered this type of volunteer opportunity. I've always said that I'm not a kid person, and in some ways that's still true. I have never wanted to have children of my own and I've never regretted that decision. Then three years ago, I looked into becoming a foster parent. I went through the initial interviews, but the more the agency described common behaviors of obviously troubled children, I realized that I most certainly do not have the temperament to deal with many of the situations I could find myself in. Seriously, the first time a kid starts throwing feces on the wall (one of their "real-life" examples), he's GOT TO GO.

[To give credit where it is due, before I made it to the interview stage, my best friend advised me against the whole idea and tried to tell me how hard it could be. At the time, I thought she was insulting my parenting capability, and we got into a huge fight. Granted, we were drinking, but it was bad enough that I thought it might be the end of our friendship. We never talked about it again, but after the interviews I really heard what she had been saying. So, to finally fess up -- Shelby: You. Were. Right.]

Months after I had put the fostering idea to rest, I realized that a lot of my motivation at the time had to do with the recent (a few months before) death of my mother. I think I was hoping to recreate that sense of family that my mother had given me when she was alive. So, I'm glad that I stopped when I did, because offering up your heart and home to somebody should be about them, not about what it's going to fill in your own life.

Now I'm ready. I've just finished (and triumphed over, I might say) a challenging 2 1/2 years in school. I'm starting to establish myself in my new career. I am feeling more positive, productive and motivated than I have at any other point in my life. And I want to do this primarily to make a difference in somebody else's life. If it makes a difference in my own as well -- well, that's just gravy. Yea, I'm ready.

So, if anybody has any cool ideas about things to do with a teenage girl (besides shopping), I'd love to hear your ideas.