The Power (and Horror) of Choice

Do you suffer from decision paralysis? Whether it's if you should go on that date, which car you should buy, or the next email you should answer, there are a lot of decisions, big and small, that we're faced with daily — sometimes hourly.

I'm reading The Success Principles by Jack Canfield right now, and I recently read a section in the beginning about making definitive choices. Canfield's opening anecdote described attending a workshop where there were different colored notebooks on the chairs for the attendees. Canfield sat at a chair with a yellow notebook on it but immediately wished that he had chosen a chair with a blue notebook. One of the first things the presenter suggested was for people to trade notebooks with somebody else to get the color they wanted.

Not a huge success in the greater scheme of things, but it was the beginning of reclaiming my birthright to acknowledge my preferences and get exactly what I want. Up until then, I would have discounted my preference as petty and not worth acting on. I would have continued to numb out my awareness of what I wanted. That day was a turning point for me—the beginning of allowing myself to know and act on my wants and desires in a much more powerful way.

This story really spoke to me because for as long as I can remember I have shied away from making decisions, yet I am actually very opinionated. When I was offered my current position, my editor asked me where I saw myself fitting in at the magazine over time. I actually said — no lie, "(Blah, blah, blah), I just want to do whatever I can to help." Are you kidding me? What kind of a boneheaded answer is that?

Okay, in my defense, things had moved so quickly that the question had caught me off guard. And, in one way, I really meant it — I don't think that there's a job description in the entire office that I would mind having. But, come on, if you ask me what my dream job would be in that office, I could give you a minimum of two (and probably up to 10) scenarios that are pretty damn specific. Yet, I never even hinted at either. What is that all about?

Depending on the situation, there are many reasons why I have a hard time choosing one option over others: There are too many options and I feel overwhelmed. I'm afraid of appearing too demanding. I'm not really fond of any of the choices. Or the opposite — I flat-out want it all. But most of the time I'm just afraid of making the "wrong" decision. But there are definite consequences to not having — and stating — preferences:

• Sometimes any choice is often better than no choice at all. Given option A or option B, sometimes I feel that if I just let myself be swept along by life, things will fall into place "just like they're supposed to," however that is. Unfortunately, along comes option C or D that either happens by accident or somebody else chooses for me, and I find myself wishing for that time when I had control over an outcome.

• You appear unmotivated, lacking direction. You won't look greedy or presumptuous (unless you're constantly spouting your desires to the exclusion of everybody else) — you'll look like somebody who knows what they want and probably how to get it. I didn't want to tell my editor what my ideal position would look like because it's not what I'm currently doing. It doesn't mean I don't enjoy what I'm doing; I just have other plans for the future. But I felt that I would somehow come across as ungrateful for the opportunity I had been given so far if I had stated those plans then.

• People will eventually stop asking for your opinion. I had a boyfriend that never had an opinion on what we should have for dinner, what movie we should see or which friends to hang out with. After a while, I got sick of hearing, "I don't care," so I just started making plans and letting him know what we would be doing. And eventually I decided that if I was making all the decisions and all the plans, what the hell did I need him for — get it?

There are a couple of things to consider that I think help when you are stuck making a decision:

• Your body knows way more than your brain does when it comes to decision-making. Almost without fail, anytime I've made a horribly wrong decision, my body sent me screaming signals telling me something was up. Anything from an upset stomach to insomnia. Usually, in these cases I wasn't able to logically explain what made me so nervous, but not heeding those feelings bit me in the ass. Unfortunately, it wasn't until recently that I could accept anything other than logic and reasoning as true decision-making skills.

• Flipping a coin really does work. No, I don't believe that you should trust your fate to whether you're staring George Washington in the eye or not. But if you really think you don't have a strong preference for a particular option (preferably when there's only two to choose from), assign one to each side of a coin and let if fly. When you discover the option you've "chosen," if there's any feeling of disappointment, guess what?

That's the part of you that does care, screaming to get out. Let it.